BECOME A CELEBRITY: How to be more social. (Connecting to the world pt. 1)

Have you ever wanted to ask something, but you where just too shy? Maybe saw a gorgeous Latina walking by & you thought "Hey" yet, it was only a thought.

As humans the other thing more unnatural for us other then growing wings & flying, is solitude.

We are social creatures. We are designed to thrive off each other, we where bred in tribes, we belong to communities full of people. Going up & starting a conversation with another member of your tribe should be for the most part as easy as breathing. Yet, we see it as harder than deadlifting 210 kg.

I always had this theory, that for the most part this fear is induced into us by the "don't talk to strangers" & the "don't take candy from pasty white creepy dudes in white vans" talk our parents had with us during our up bringing.

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with the second one. The first one however, is just preposterous. How else are you going to survive in the world if not in collaboration & unison with each other?

The Introvert vs Extrovert

Have you ever seen a person really quiet & "introverted" in one environment? Then the same person really out going & "extroverted" in another? People believe these phenomena is being an "ambivert" peculiar, right? Me for example, I take great interest in conversations having to do with martial arts & combat sports, business, culture, psychology, Dune, the way Warner Brothers botched the Snyder verse, etc... I thrive in those exchanges. I'm engaged, enthusiastic & passionate in those conversations, i.e "extroverted".

I have no knowledge, nor interest what so ever in endeavors such as politics, religion nor dogma, gossip columns narrating celebrities lives, the prequels, tiktok,  etc... In those exchanges I'm more than aloof, I'm borderline brain dead. 

This may lead to another belief, that it has nothing to do with the identity of being one or the other. Rather a product of our environment, more so our response to such environment. That maybe it has to do with our levels of; comfort, status, confidence, interest in any given situation. 

Wouldn't you want the ability to turn this on & off like a light switch?

We have the root of the issue. The state in which we are in in that precise moment.

How do we handle this? Let's break it down.

As with everything in life, it starts with our mindsets & beliefs. The state of mind in which I want you to be in every single social scenario is that of "Us" & "We". You are part of the larger picture. Which is, you are part of a collective. The collective of human beings building a society together, figuring out our place in the universe. Let yourself understand this simple truth.

This should help you, if you have some sort of social anxiety. This anxiety for the most part is formed, because we are of the belief that it's an "us vs them scenario" or that "we are separate than them", that we are outcast & that we are at a disadvantage. As we said earlier that mindset is bullshit.

 Now let's work on our physical level of comfort in any given scenario. Why? because the mind follows the body, and the body follows the mind. So in any given situation;

First: To feel comfortable in your own skin is own every aspect of yourself, to accept & not judge oneself. Remember when you are comfortable with yourself , you will feel comfortable with others & others will feel secure with you.

•   Own the space you're in; Open up, stretch your arms & limbs, stand wider, take up >your<  space (Don't be the overcompensating weirdo that stretches & takes up five rows of seats). Make yourself comfortable first. A good center of gravity & relaxed. Feel at home everywhere, this is one of the components of swagger, being grounded un your own presence & body. 

Examples of this; Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, George Clooney, Thomas Shelby, me.

Make them (me) proud.

Second: Dress the part, ever heard the expression "Look good, feel good"? It's true. I already made an article on this( A gentleman's Guidelines to style the modern look: Cheating genetics ) But the essential overview components of style are the following:

1. Fit
2. Fabric
3. Usefulness
4. Occasion
5. Season
6. Color Palate
7. Personality 

If you want more inspiration check out; Magazines, Style Blogs & Vlogs. Magazines & these style virtuosos:

• Alex Costa
• Marcel Florus
• Jose Zuniga
• Aaron Marino
• Tom Ford
• A. Centeno
• Jay Gatsby
• That cute High IQ chad in the intro pic.
• Etc...

Third: Remember a while back when I said, being comfortable is important?  Another part, is being present in the moment your natural state as a man is to have your mind in the now. That's how we fend of saber tooth tigers, we focus on our actions & in our current reality. We are not in our heads. If you have social anxiety or any other type of anxiety, probably you have a cluster fuck of thoughts going wild. Clear your mind, meditate. Diminish the amount of stimulus being presented to you or become more adept at handling stress. Either by training really, really hard, going through hard shit, fighting, joining the army, etc...

For more info into handling you mind & getting out of your own head, check out: (Influencing your insecurities away)

Now an overview of some principles on social dynamic:

• Calibration: i.e. situational awareness, i.e. reading the room, i.e. feeling the vibes, i,e reading people.

 Calibrating is the art of understanding & connecting your persona/ personality with other people's. I want you to notice people's body language, tenseness, vocal tone, facial expressions, direction of the eyes. Whether someone is comfortable or not.

It is after all, the skill of merging your own personality to others, without being fake or incongruent. Example, if you are at a library & at a concert. Both are different environments all together & require different behavioral protocols for each. If you go talk to Lindsay the biology student in her second year of college, it is very different than talking to Brenda, who is already an established lawyer & a certified bad bitch. Both are amazing & great in their own right. But inherently they have different value systems & points of view in life. As the rapport & the interaction goes along you will see the blueprint for each. Then they are both completely different from a Karen, who just needs some dick in her life.  Learn the unwritten rules. Granted this is a skill, but it's a skill you can for sure hone & develop.  

This is a skill that requires the key element of empathy & understanding. Step out of your head & get into their hearts & minds.

When it comes to social skills, this might be on of, if not the most important one.

As an overview guide for people use archetypes; While of course people are more than 1 dimension. Archetypes are a pretty good abstract overview of people for the most part:

• The smart/ Well educated individuals
• The posh & aristocratic 
• The socially outgoing & life of the party type
• The bimbos
• The badasses/ hardasses
• The athletes
• The dumbasses & assholes
• The nerds
• The introverted types
• The winners & losers
• The republicans & democrats
• The liberals & conservatives
• The religious type
• The ________insert other type of subdivision.

Disclaimer: These are for the most part gender neutral, and of course a really big exaggeration/ an overview. Still it will help. Remember the function of this is to help you with social calibration, to understand & adapt to different people & different social scenarios. In the long run you will form your own archetypes & viewpoints.

Again, I don't want you to see it as being "fake". Better yet use this analogy, The palm tree vs the pine tree.

Do you know why palm trees are a staple and more prevalent in tropical areas? Because of hurricanes. They can withstand their ungodly winds, due to their flexibility. While on the other hand the pine trees are the first to fall, because of their rigidity.

Be yourself, hold your structure & your identity. Yet be flexible with people.

Be a palm tree my friend.

- High IQ Chad

Now this is focusing on other people, let's shift the attention to ourselves.

First: Get into the habit of talking to everyone, everywhere, every time. This is to reinforce the "us" mindset & if you have severe social anxiety this should help you. Overall be a well mannered individual, and an overall gentleman. Start by saying "Good Morning" , "Good bye" , "Hello" , crack small jokes, spark banter & small talk. Be courteous, speak & act with intent. 

Open up your voice and remember ground yourself in your own presence. Look people in the eyes, connect with them.

Being a courteous/ gentleman/ gentlewomen, means you are socially adept & socially savvy. High status people are actually incredibly polite, charming, kind, charismatic, and such. It is normally the low status losers that are mad at life that act like socially un calibrated dumbasses.

Be a dapper, upstanding individual, be a gentleman. But take absolutely no shit. You can absolutely teach kids MMA & at the same time be a part time surgeon that gives free face lifts to jackasses. Check out:(Be a loving father & a ferocious competitor) Integrate your shadow self.

At this point you're probably panicking over, about the "What the fuck do I say?" part. I'm going to make a bold claim, an inflammatory and radical one.

It's not "what" you say, but better yet "how" & "who" says it.  If You met Brad Pitt, the last thing you are thinking about is "what" the mf is saying. Why? Probably you are just thinking about how many watermelons he has cut open with his jaw, or what conditioner he uses. Maybe you saw Troy  (2004) & are fanboying like a mf. But more often that not, the common theme is status. 

Pretty words help. But do you wanna know what's more important? 

• Creating a dope vibe. A vibe of comfort, tension & playfulness.
• Knowing when & when not to escalate the vibe. (Honestly just not being an idiot.)
• Great Personality
• Charisma
• Charm
• Sense of humor
• A grounded & powerful presence.
• GOOD HYGENE, GROOMING, SHOWER(S)(MULTIPLE), CLEANING YOURSELF.
• A good strong, capable body. Work out. (A chad's guide to peak physical prowess)
• Dressing the part
• Not being a creep, nor an idiot(again).
• Having a life, a vision.

For more info, check out (The way of the boss)

Don't be afraid to tease, but don't go over board & try to roast. That just shows inexperience & insecurity from your behalf. In this just be true/ real with yourself & don't be afraid of being polarizing.

Tease, give a compliment, make her feel comfortable, the tease her again, let the waitress flirt with you, then pay your attention solely to her, stand on the side of the sidewalk you should, give her your jacket, teach her how to fight, the tell her she's doing great, the tell her she sucks (jokingly), buy her ice-cream, introduce her to people, be her dad for 30 minutes, etc... Remember it's all gotta be congruent with who you are & who she is.

Women just wanna have fun with a dope dude (at the start), then they want a hot charming dope therapist, then they want a dad... so on & so on.

All of this matters more than, "what" say.

Next part some social tips.

• The best way to meet new people, make friends, network, ally yourself with others. It's through, hobbies, interests, work, social circle (friend of a friend of a friend, of a friend). "Set up your life" as Dan Bilzerian says.
• See people as who & how they want to be seen as.
• Create social circles, meet people & introduce them to other people.
• Actually being a polite individual & saying "Hi", 'Good bye", "good evening", giving genuine compliments, opening doors for people, etc... By doing so you differentiate yourself from 99% who don't. 
• A conversation is not a ping pong game, you are gonna have amazing conversation by being interesting. But more so by being interested.
• Add value, don't take it. Give out positive charming vibes, good emotions, tension, don't try to take anything from the interaction. Instead give.
• Women get nervous too, chill.
• Get into the habit of letting other talk, & shutting the fuck up. Let her talk, & do most of the talking, you just steer the conversation into a fucking situation.
• Know when to not to shut the fuck up, & spew your charming & charismatic bullshit unto others.
• Create win/win scenarios.
• Learn when to say "Yes" & "No".
• Understand the syndromes of What a shit test is, or how I like to call it. Wet Pussy syndrome. (Oddly enough this happens to both women & some men.)
• When meeting her friends, be the same charming, charismatic, courteous, DO NOT flirt with them even if they do. That just makes you seem like a vulture. Talk & pay attention to the less pretty one, introduce her to one of your friends.
•  If she has guy friends, make them your bitch (jokingly). Tease them, make them your bros, get them some pussy, etc..
• Eat, shit, & Sleep on success. Your vision, goal, network, bag > her. If you can't do that, how the fuck are you gonna take care of her? Even if she hates that part, It's a necessary evil.
• Have girlfriends, beautiful women tend to have & surround themselves with beautiful women. Nurture every relationship you can.
• If she has orbiting moons & satellites. (Dudes that want to be with her) Honestly, just have the biggest cock on the solar system, be the mf sun.

 Lastly become interested in other people, remember a person is a book & a whole universe waiting to be discovered. So cherish each moment & second of an interaction.

You have now the tools, the drive, the knowledge.

Go be a Badass or a Bad bitch & go take beautiful horizontal actions.

- A